“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves.”  – Ender

This character sounds like hates himself because, once he comes to understand his enemy well enough to defeat him, he destroys him and hurts himself. Empathy does not work well without sound reasoning to go along with it.